When Cyrano de Bergerac Is Right ....

The Old Baguette has known two women who enriched her life by peppering their ordinary conversations with "sayings." Some were of their own creation, and others were created by their Irish kin. Imports. To me, all were colorful. Nell died a few years ago, and Eileen a few months ago. Both were in their nineties. Some of their "sayings" make no sense to people, but they make perfectly good sense to me or even better sense when they make no sense. Does that make sense? Here are my favorites.

Nell: Whenever she fell and collected a few bruises: "I broke every bone in my body except my neck." Whenever you caught her sitting: "I was just passing by this chair, and my ass fainted."
Eileen: "You're right there, Big Nose" "Too true said Whittle Patterson." Quoting Uncle Barney: "It's Barney this and Barney that. It's never Barney go to town."

Mother used to quote her Irish father's sayings. They, too, were colorful and, to me, memorable. Grandfather: Whenever he observed my mother in a slouch: "I could pack my lunch at the back of your neck." Whenever someone tried to get the better of him: "I'm on to you bigger than a wolf."

The first time the Old Baguette decided to say, "You're right there, Big Nose.," the person who was right had the most enormous nose. He appeared to be highly insulted. Now, she looks carefully. If the person's nose is big, she says, "Too true said Whittle Patterson." If the person's nose is tiny, she'll risk using the Big Nose expression. She gets one of two responses: "Whittle Patterson? Whittle Patterson? Who's Whittle Patterson?" Or "Big nose? Big nose? I don't have a big nose." Then, when the Old Baguette explains her affection for Eileen's sayings, she gets one of those good-lord-the-woman's-crazy looks. Once again, Whittle Patterson and Big Nose were on to the Old Baguette bigger than a wolf.